I Found Him in the Kitchen
by Teh Letter Z
Summary: Set after "Stop in the Name of Pants". Dave the Laugh returns. Dun..dun...dunnnnn...
1. It Happend

I luuurve the characters, however, I do not own, them. Ugu.

Takes place after "Stop in the Name of Pants"

14 minutes later:

I cannot believe it. The Luuurve God has the maximum humpety-hump. I feel my knees buckle and I fall down, further injuring my bum-oley.

1 minute later:

Oh but who cares about my bum-oley? THE LUUURVE GOD HAS THE MEGA HUMP WITH ME!!

1 minute later:

Honestly, I cannot feel my bum-oley, anymore.

30 seconds later:

What if I have to get it amputated??

30 seconds later:

I don't think guys like arse-less girls

30 seconds later:

But then again, boys do go out with Wet Lindsay.

Haahahahahahahah.

4 minutes later:

Everyone has left. Boo. All aloney and on my owney. No boyfriend to comfort me. No matey-type hornmeister to make some witty comment. Just me.

2 minutes later:

Not even Ol' Jassy is here.

30 seconds later:

I guess when your bum-oley is broken on the ground, you see who your real friends are.

Trying to Get up:

Bugger it all to the blimey-deep! Owowwowo. Okay dokay, there we go, now I just have to walk.

Walking Stiff-Leggy Home:

Walking home all alone. I could get kidnapped by some beserking baserker. Or Fat Bob. Egads, I'd certainly want to avoid that. I think I should walk quicker.

At home:

Finally home. I should get a medal for all my hard work. "Family! Your wonderful medal-deserving daughter is home!!" "Famliy?"

1 minute later:

How is it that no one is ever home in time of crisis.

1 second later:

Ooooh. I have to sit down.

Sitting on the couch watching telly:

Well I have a few choice words for my family when they come home. Actually, a few sentences. Perhaps, a full-frontal rant. Out of nowhere (well out of the kitchen) ran The Libster. I've probably never been this happy to see her. "Libby! Your safe from the invasion of Huns!!" I can't believe it, but I hugged her.

1 minute later:

Libby is home, but where arth thy parental units?

Then, another surprise came out of the Kitchen of Mystery and Woo: Dave the Laugh. He was wearing a pink with a red heart apron (with frills) and stirring something in a bowl. My eyeballs nearly popped out of my head. "Georgia, take your shoes off, they're awfully filthy." No way. No way in PANTS, was Dave the Laugh standing there. Baby Jesus, tell me it's not true! "Georgia, did you hear me?" "WHAT IN GOD'S BASEMENT ARE YOU DOING IN AN APRON!!" Oops, left out the part about him being here in the first place, didn't I?

"You mean your folks didn't tell you? Ahah. I'm here baby-sitting Libs and pet-sitting Angus 'till they return." Return? Where did they go?! "Where did they go to? And more importantly, WHY WOULD THEY CHOOSE YOU??" "They went on vacation to, you know, rekindle the flame-"

Ew. "And called me up to house-sit, because, they said , and I am, a "mature" "kind" boy." WHAT FRESH HELL?! "Why couldn't I do it?!" "Two reasons, kittykat. You're not as mature as I. Secondly, you have to go to school." "Erm Dave, you have to go to school as well." I reminded him. "Erm, no I don't. I got a small break from school for this exact purpose." He said with that stupid grin.

5 minutes of gawking awkwardly later:

"Now, get to bed, you have a bright, shining, day of school tomorrow!"


	2. Dave the Mom

6:30 AM:

6:30 AM:

"GEORGIA! BREAKIE IS READY!!"

Oh dear God. It was not a dream. I nearly fainted, but I just succeeded in falling off my bed.

On the floor:

Dave walks in, "Georgia, stop lazing about on the floor and get ready for school."

He is just like mum. Minus the nungas.

7 minutes later:

Where is my soap?? Oh right-o. Angus ate it. Did I honestly do something in a past life to deserve this?

4 minutes later:

I get situated at the table. Infront of me is a stack of pancakes (or how our German friends say, "Pfannkuchen" tee-hee.) and a glass of orange juice. And, there sat Dave at the end of the table feeding Libby pancakes. Why?!

4 more minutes later:

I'm poking at the pancakes. Perhaps it's poison. He does have the right mind to after all the "Massimo" fandango.

7:15:

I get up and begin to put on my rucksack for another day of fun. "Georgia, you hardly touched your pancakes!" Like I care. "Ah..well, Goodbye Georgia!" I half-heartedly reply, "Tatty-bye." And I was off like the horse of the west. Minus the sunset.

Back Home:

I may actually do some homework. I'd rather not hear Dave, today. I walk to my room passing the laundry. Wait. I take a few paces back. IS DAVE……FOLDING MY….knickers?? "Dave, WHY ARE YOU FOLDING MY KNICK-KNICKS?!" "Oh, I'm doing the laundry. That is what people do in the laundry room." That is when Dave pulled my bra from the dryer.

5 minutes later:

Why am I even trying on this homework when I can be ranting to Jas on how she left me!

Calling Jas:

"Hello?"

"Wello?"

"Who is this?"

"The Knickers Fairy, come to take back our flag, your giant pantaloonies. HAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH!"

"Jas?"

"Jassy?"

Well there goes Jas.

Lying hopelessly on the ground once more:

What is the point in getting up. I actually want Mutti and Vati back. That is _tre' _sad.

"Georgia, are you coming for dinner?!" No. "Gee?"

At the table of culinary doom once more:

"Erm Dave?"

"Yes?"

"What is this?" I asked poking something that looked like chicken.

"Vegetarian Chicken."

"But Dave, how can it be vegetarian if it's chicken?"

"No see, it's soy chicken. Not real chicken, silly."

Not real chicken?! What the bloody hell?!

Chewing:

This is perhaps the chewiest thing on this blue-green-polluted dump of a planet. Dave insists we eat with chopsticks. Once more, WHY? I can barely use these sticks.

30 seconds later:

Who's bright idea was eating with sticks?

5 seconds later:

Not even sharp sticks.

After din-din:

Maybe I'll go run a nice warm bath. Wait, Gee. That is terribly dangerous. Dave is here. But self, I really do need a bath. Well that's too bad. No but- Okay that's enough brain. I'll flip a coin. Heads do Tails don't. Tails. Okay-dokay-hokay-pokay.

In the bath:

So weird. So bloody weird. Any minute now Dave will burst through the door. There was knocking on the door. "Georgia, do you fancy a fresh towel?" Why would he ask. I think he knows that I have a towel- w-where is my towel? Where in the name of Fabius Maximus' dress is it? "So that's a no on the towel then?" "No, Dave, I…."

And just like that Dave burst through the door and placed a towel on the towel rack. "Happy Bathing!" And he left. Wow.


	3. The Chicken's Vengeance

Lying in bed:

Lying in bed:

I cannot get this off my mind. If it's vegetarian chicken, then how do they get the flavoring? Surely there must be some chicken in that. I'm so confused!

2 minutes later:

Of all things to be kept up by this surely is one of the stupidest.

4 minutes later:

Bloody Barbarians! I'll never get to sleep!

6:30 AM:

_Spenda_ in a can! I have dark circles under my eyes!! This is all Dave's fault! This is probably all in his little plan to get back at me for the Masimo fandangy! Next he will- "Georgia! Oh your awake this time! Anyway, breakfast awaits you!" And he closed the door. I nearly had an aneurism! He is quite a frightening _Count Chocula. _

Table once more:

Ah, oatmeal. Nice. I'm exploding with giddiness.

Stalag 14:

Ro Ro sent me a note:

Whats with your eyes? Have you been doing illegal substances?

-Casablanca

R.E.:

I sent a note to my Ace-ys:

Ace Gang Meeting after school. It involves chicken.

Ace Gang Meeting:

"Where's Ellen?" I ask.

"Oh, she went somewhere with her parents." Jas said.

Okay, now I can talk about Dave the Apron. Er. Laugh. Ugh.. bad images.

"Okay so what about chicken?" Ro Ro asked searching for something in her ruckie (probably the beard).

"No, this is about Dave the Laugh."

"I shutter at the though of Dave and a chicken." Rosie said.

"No! There is no chicken involved right now! Just Dave!" I told them.

"Oh okay. Well tell us. Did he do something? You know like, after the Masimo dumped you?" Jas asked.

"Okay. First off; Masimo didn't dump me. He just had a bit of a hump. Secondly, the nub and gist of the Dave problem is he is currently at my homestead, probably doing my laundry!"

They all just looked at me, like Jas' thousands of owls.

5 minutes of awkward silence and owling later:

"Wait he's doing your laundry? Did he promise to be your slavey boy, or something after the Masimo incident?" Rosie asked.

"No. My parents went off for…….ANYWAY my parents are on a bit of….erm…a holiday. And he is house-sitting 24/7!"

And there goes more owli-ness.

6 minutes of explaining later:

"-Then he made vegetarian chicken for dinner, and I was up all night thinking about how it can be "vegetarian" if there is chicken flavoring!"

"Maybe they zap the soy beans with a laser, like in _Star Wars_, and make it taste like chicken." Rosie said while putting on her beard.

"So if we zapped shaving cream, it would taste like chicken!?"

"Ugh. You two are just being so foolish," Jas began, flicking her fringe.

"-They boil the soy in chicken fat until it tastes like chicken."

"But, that stills involve chicken, so that is not vegetarian!"

9:45 PM:

That was perhaps the longest meeting ever. Hmm, I think this is a moment to break out the special _Herbal Relax Lemon Lover's _Tea. I walk into the kitchen and there he was once again.

Dave was standing there stirring, again, something in a bowl and wearing the same apron. Is he happy that he's dressed like a transvestite?

"Georgia, where have you been?"

I looked at him. He looked at me. I looked at him. Normally when this happens someone bursts into laughter. Obviously not so in this situation.


	4. Ninja Tar Tar

"I have been keeping your dinner warm all night and now MY CHICKEN TAR TAR IS RUINED! RUINED!"

What the theater basement?

"Georgia, get your nungas upstairs!"

What?

"NOW!"

Fine.

In my bedroom blocking my door:

Ha! That will show him and his stupid " tar tar"! What is that anyway?! Trust Dave to make the weirdest dish ever.

2 minutes later;

Wait! Why am I blocking _my_ door? It's _MY_ house! Oh who cares?!

Calling Jas:

"Hello, you have reached Jas. I cannot come to the phone right now. Please call back later."

Jas cares.

2 minutes on my owney later:

"Georgia I- Georgia? Georgia! Georgia, open your door, please."

Kukuku, no Dave I shant open up my door!

"Georgia, please. I'm not your enemy."

Maybe I'll sing a little:

" _I sat in the swamp with a little pink piggy  
who loved roller-skating and playing pretend,  
the boy that she loved was a real snack-master  
the world was a beach ball and we were all friends  
then he died alone and the last time I saw her  
it looked like the reaper had rapped on her door  
she said "do you remember singing ice ice baby with me  
laying down on the reef bathroom floor?"_

how could I ever forget? I could never forget  
I will never forget  
how could I ever forget? I could never forget-"

"Fine Gee, you brought this on your self-"

That's when he kicked open the door, like in one of those bad karate movies.

2 minutes of extremely awkward gawking later:

Dave looked around and said, "Gee, we need to have a bit of a chit-chat."

Chit-chat?

That's when Dave sat on my bed, accidently sitting on Sandra. Ha!

"Georgia, you are...how do I put this nicely...you are a 'muddle-headed vole'."

I'm what?

"You are as confused as the day is green when it comes to what you want."

The day is green?

"You're always flouncing about with Masimo, Robbie, Sven- "

"I don't like Sven. He's engaged to Rosie!"

"_Right, right. Of course._"

"I don't!"

"_Yooouuuuuuu looovvveee hiiiiiiiiiimmm._"

"I DO NOT LOVE HIM, I LOVE Y-"

Dave locked on to that last letter. Why in the name of Captain Freeman's G-string did I say that.

Dave kept looking at me, eager for my next word.

Oh, dear God, the banannas are _really _crumbling down on this one.

"What was that?" Dave urged.

"I SAID, I LOVE YAMS!!"

What am I saying? I hate yams.


End file.
